"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Me too!
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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