i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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