Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
