I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
