I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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