I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
