i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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