the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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