Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
We have so much sex to catch up on
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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