When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
