I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
