i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
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we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
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This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
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