someone threw a dead crab at me
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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