Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
