i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
