battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
