Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
