I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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