Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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