We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
