It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
