I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
