So drunk its hurt
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
