grandma shit on top of the toilet
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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