just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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