Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Randomize
