Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
