She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
