I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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