I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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