his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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