But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
