I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
