Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
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