***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Moan for me like Helen Keller
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
