it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
