just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
