Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
