Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
