what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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