Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
