Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
