I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
