Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
