First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
