Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
