It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
two words: eviction party
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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