Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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