You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I licked your asshole in confidence.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize