Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
