super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
