2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
