You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
