My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
