Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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