Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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