Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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