Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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