ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
