who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Randomize
