dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
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