He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
She even gives head with a lisp.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
